Friday's Gig

I'm playin with TashBryant, the wizzo cellist, at the Red Room, the Cartoon pub just of Piccadilly Circus. It's £5 to get in and there are lots of other bands playing. We are on early- 8 p.m. and playing for half an hour. I haven't done a gig with Tash for ages so it will be good.
Sorry about the mistakes- computer's being creative again.
Backing vocal of the day- Hum Drum Tickety Gum
Don't use if you want to be taken seriously!

Back to the writing
The academic fighting
I'm drowning in words
I think
Books are for nerds

Hum drum tickety gum.

Past, present, future

Past: story about Alan
Ha ha, I've just been laughing with Joby about that squat we used to live in in Brighton. Alan put his trousers in to soak in a plastic bowl in the bathroom one day. He went off somewhere for a couple of weeks, and meanwhile, a pigeon flapped in the window and made a nest in his trousers. It was really happy there, so we all just left it. When Alan came back, he was furious.
Present:
It's been so hot today the cats came up and complained, and asked me to turn the heating off. So I took off their little fur coats and hung them on the washing line, and they felt better after that
Future:
That's tomorrow, isn't it?
and
(Happy intergalactic Joby day, Joby, Celestial Seasonings to you)

Chewing Gum Painterman

The Chewinggumpainterman is going to paint me a big green lawnmower on a bit of gum in Barnet. I'll tell you where it is when it's done; I'm taking him some music tomorrow so he can listen to it and get an idea of what he's doing; meanwhile, he's got into his gig, and is researching big green lawnmowers.
I have got some more gigs- 26th in Central London and 31st in Leytonstone, but I've left the details in my office, which is roughly a million miles from here, the library, and it's too far to go and get them. I'll put them here tomorrow.
Spent yesterday making little cardboard stratocasters in the Barnet Football Club colours, orange and black, for the children at Song Club to pose with. Don't tell them, it's a secret! They were incredibly naughty yesterday, because it was sunny; quite a lot of our song involve prolonged chanting episodes, because that's the only way we can get them to behave.
Spoke to a really feisty keyboard player who used to play with Hazel O'Connor. Interesting.... At the end I said 'Ha, ha! We're still here!' and she said 'That would be a good song title!'...
so
now
it
is.

Tour

I'm planning a tour in the autumn. Newcastle and Cardiff are on the cards, very close to each other! Might go to France too...
Here is a rubbish joke, to celebrate.
What do you call it when you hit a seal?
Sealing whacks.

Untitled

I played the Hope and Anchor last night- which I play every few years, and every time I go back there's been a re-design. There's really no need, you know, to do this especially for me, guys!
Thank you for coming, Rowen and Ludek! (and of course, Monty) The sound guy is brilliant- he's called Elias and he comes from Geordieland (all the best Geordies are exiles).
I saw a really sarky review of the Slits gig in Dublin- funny how some people in the audience try to rely on their bands to bring back their youth for them! Heritage versions, suppose. They are a good Now band- different from the Then band, but still a damn sight better than almost any band I've seen in the last ten years, and that is a LOT of bands.
I'm having a rest from the book, it was driving me mad. Someone was going to read it for me but now they are not. So today I'm doing picture research, and then I'll pretend I'm someone else and read it later this week. It's raining, but I don't mind; it's not so hard to be a swot if the sun's not shining.
I washed my cat on Saturday because he was dirty. He loved it.

Idea

You know that really annoying music they play when you are waiting in the telephone queue?
Write lyrics to it about how annoying it is and sing them along while you wait!
Did you see Popworld when that funny bloke with the curly hair interviewed Sean Paul? At the end of the interview, the backing track for 'I Never Can Say Goodbye' started up and the funny bloke started singing it in an awful whiny voice to Sean Paul- the whole bloody song! Poor Sean Paul was looking desperately off-camera for someone to shout 'Cut!' or something, but nobody did and he had to endure it right till the end. It makes me laugh so much just thinking about it, my tea comes down my nose!!!!!!!!!

Northern Line Game

I took Mike his sporran-splitter today- I'll know when he's consumed it because his sporran will be split! The fantastic Actionettes are dancing on Saturday at The Pleasure Unit in Bethnal Green- see www.actionettes.com
On the way back I was remembering the game we used to play. Who lives at Mill Hill East? The Mill Hill Beast. What does he eat? The Mill Hill Feast. Does he eat the Mill Hill most? (and so on, all the way to the Beast being married by the Mill Hill Priest). You could do all the others as well- the Belsize Park Lark, the Golders Green Queen, and perhaps south of the river, the Tooting Bec Wreck. All a bit of a Burnt Oak joke, innit?
Guess what- Martin from the Daintees has asked me to play support with them in Newcastle in December- they are doing some reformed Daintees gigs. That's where I was born, Newcastle General Hospital, used to go ice skating at Tynemouth Ice Rink, a few years after I was born of course, and for years they had nothing to play but 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' by Andy Williams. To this day, every time I hear that song I get sore feet along the line where the blade presses through the sole of the skating boot.

Oh yes- the interview with the SLits will be broadcast on Tuesday 23rd May on Resonance at 7 p.m. and streamed on www.resonancefm.com

Hope and Anchor, Sunday 7th May

My next gig is at the Hope and Anchor, Upper Street, Islington on Sunday 7th May- it's £5 to get in (there's a £4.50 price with a flyer but he hasn't sent me any yet) and I'm on at 9.20.

Is it that time already?

Ho..hum.. I have been sleeping... went out on Saturday to interview the Slits, just Ari and the new girls as Tessa wasn't feeling well. It was very interesting, we were talking about the Charleston and Bo Diddley and Dancehall rhythms and how similar they all were to each other. Stupidly, I'd put the wrong DAT tapes in my bag and only could record 35 minutes but the slot's only an hour and I think Nadya will give me some of their new tracks to play and of course, I'll play Charleston, Bo Diddley and Beenie Man. Nadya was saying how she's interested in being a rhythm guitarist and not a lead guitarist, and this is what Viv thought too, so that's interesting. Ari was on top form and saying how she wants to play prisons and girls schools (not much difference!). Then we went to a Thai vegan restaurant and talked girl talk- mind your own business!
As for the book- now I have to find 15 copyright photos that no-one's used before- urgh! But I think the thing is almost finished although Caroline Coon sent me an email just the other day with a new female keyboard player I should talk to particularly as she played with the Stranglers and I have a very interesting quote from Hugh Cornwell saying that girls shoudn't be in bands because they are too emotional. How odd- I always thought emotion was rather important to musicians!
Which reminds me, I am halfway thru a new song. I think I'll go and play that.

The Slits, Electrowerkz

The support band were The Horrors. They were quite good really- loud guitar, loud vox organ, lots of good riffs. Only thing I didn't like was the vocalist's singing style. I couldn't work out if the sub-Manson flavour was because of sound problems (which he complained about a lot) or whether it was deliberate. Maybe I will never know.
It was a real rock venue- converted warehouse probably, with hideous shared toilets (the sort you can imagine at the beginning of the evening what they'll look like at the end of the evening, i.e. very wet) and enough UV lighting to give us all dandruff.
I don't think Ari was very impressed with the venue but she's a professional and once her sense of humour kicked in, she was off. The band were rockin' (punkin'? dreadin'?)- much tighter than at Selfridges, which is not surprising because they have played and rehearsed more- they are a proper band now, and this must be due to Ari and Tessa's attitude of including their new members properly, right from the start. Ari introduced the new guitarists with great good humour- Adele- 'very quiet but she's very dangerous'- Nadya- 'she's a serious bitch'- (she's going to be Doctor No soon).
By the time they got to New Town, you realised what a really great vocalist Ari is. She's not just a plain 'singer'- she does rhythm stuff with her voice too, but most importantly she does what she always used to do with the Slits- somehow she makes a whole atmosphere with the way she uses those vocal chords and it makes you want to just scream along!
She passed the mic round to the band one by one, getting them all to sing bits of their favourite songs- when she got to Tessa, Tessa just smiled beatifically. She just looked incredibly happy. The bass sound up front was really good and Tessa is a real groovemistress, a groovemistress extraordinaire. It made me want to start playing bass again but I know I couldn't get anywhere near it! Then Ari took the register of who was there, reading the names off the guest list ('plus one of course, Mark Moore's not here and he's going to get a whupping!').
Their new drummer, Anna, is lighting fast, one of those drummers that is fascinating to watch. She's really slender and has a very boyish haircut, and has a really clipped style of drumming but still manages to swing. Lucky the Slits have got her- I can imagine a lot of people trying to steal her but I can't imagine her wanting to do anything else.
Ari gave a camera to a 'plus-one' in the crowd, 'Get some good shots for Jamaica!'
The whole thing was really informal (apart from the music which was as cool as anything). Adele went to relieve herself halfway thru: ' One soldier missing in action!' and when she came back: 'Did you do a pee? You can do it on stage next time like I do!'
Shoplifting was fantastically aggressive, lost of screaming. And then I just stopped writing, and enjoyed the music!!!
What else do I remember this morning?
Some beautiful harmonies- yes, beautiful, the Slits! And inspiration- nobody else makes music like this, nobody ever has been as inventive as the Slits, and to see it live with all that energy and good feeling coming from the stage, is the BEST NIGHT OUT YOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE!
I'm doing an interview with them tomorrow for Resonance FM- it will be broadcast later this month I hope, watch this space.
Also, apologies for any mis-spellings, I literally can not see them at all!!

London

It's great that Utrophia chose London to put on the compilation. The first time I played it live was at a club called Slappers that I'd been told was a really good place to try out new material. I really liked the club, but I messed up the song twice before I managed to play it (altho' all the rest of the songs were fine). But the organiser phoned me afterwards and ranted on for about 10 minutes (it's true, it was a message on 121!), telling me off and saying I was unprofessional and his club only put on the best new talent, blah, blah, blah. So every time I listen to the track, I drink a toast to you now, Clifford!
Nothing like a bit of opposition to get the creative juices going.

New Track on Myspace

I've just uploaded 'The Word is, Goodbye'

Next Songbird- May 5th

International and Local

International- spoke to Vi Subversa from Poison Girls on the phone- I had to get permission to use her interview for my book. She lives in Andalucia and plays the blues. What a woman! She helped my very first band Joby and the Hooligans get off the ground. Whatever happened to our drummer, Dub Duncan? Or Ricky, the transvestite drummer? And she said yes, go ahead....
Local- I have asked the chewing-gum-painter to paint a picture on chewing gum for my album cover. He was really chuffed and said yes. So it won't be me snuggled up to a zebra in my zebra striped dress singing songs to it with my guitar, it will be something else instead, something Local, as it should be for a teensy mini-release of an insignificant CD by an artists of titchy stature. Anyway, wot could be more special than that? The CD will be called Suburban Pastoral, and there's a story behind that, which I will tell you if you are very very good indeed and let me get on with things for a while without asking me for a cup of tea.
Today I sat and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote....
But I also wrote a song about Screaming. Funny, that. I wonder why?

Extra Sunday special, about the Slits

The Slits have a session on John Kennedy's show on XFM tomorrow night (Monday).
Show starts at 10 p.m. but I think the session's broadcast at 11. My friend Nadya, who is one of the guitarists, tells me Steve Beresford played on some of their stuff- not sure if it's that particular stuff though.
They are playing in Islington on Thursday and I will write a review of the gig on this blog afterwards.
Their site is www.theslits.co.uk
Toodle-pip!