People

Saw 3 Lowri Turners this afternoon as I walked through town. This is alarming, because it fears me that I will turn into one too if I hang around here long enough. Maybe it's just that there's a convention going on somewhere in the 'hood, and I haven't read about it anywhere because I threw the local papers straight into the recycling bin this week.

I saw Mrs Nosmiles. She did twist her left lip slightly last time I smiled at her in the street, which is progress. I will persevere, because she looks like fun, secretly.

A woman cello player strode down our street, smoking a cheroot. I must find out who she is. Imagine that! A cheroot smokin' cellist sawing away on stage next to me! Wow!

Apart from that, the streets are empty; everyone is in their back garden sipping chilled cherryade and eating Quavers. I know, because my cat told me.

Couple of Stories for Sunday (one's a Repeat, I think)

Elan
I had a friend from Slovakia, we were very good mates, and one day she asked me to go with her to see a concert by a Slovakian superstar called Elan. He had been in a very serious motorcycle accident, and was just piecing himself together again physically; he'd decided to play for the expats in London as a way back to performing in Slovakia. So we got dressed up in our finery and went down to Camden Town Hall. What an experience! I think I was the only English-speaking person there; every Slovakian person in London must have congregated there to see him! He looked absolutely delighted. I don't think I've ever seen a performer look so genuinely pleased to be on stage: he had the most radiant smile, and the rock star arrogance just fell to the floor and left a real, happy, middle-aged singer counting his blessings; the whole audience sang along in unison to every song, bellowing, carolling, dreaming of Slovakia, drunk on that lethal stuff that comes in big brown beer bottles. I was completely stunned, an alien in London. I really did feel like a fly on the wall, some sort of voyeur into a totally different culture: the bond between him and his audience was so strong you could almost reach out and touch it.
Thank you, Eva, for taking me to his concert. I don't know where you are now and you certainly don't read this because you don't know who Helen McCookerybook is.

Biology Teacher
This is the story that might be a repeat but I can't be bothered to look through all those postings to see if it is or not! It is Sunday morning after all, and I bet nobody else is up but me.
No, I think I have told you, actually, so I won't. You see, I'm worried in case I am becoming senile.

Finally:
I was going to auction a vinyl single of Frank Ifield singing 'She Taught Me To Yodel' (or is it 'I Taught Her To Yodel'? It's upstairs and I'm downstairs) for Resonance.
Does anyone want to bid for it, and I'll give them the money? They didn't have time to do the auction on Resonating Sunday, and it's here propping up my dentures. If you want to, email me helen_mccookerybook@yahoo.co.uk
Time for a cup of coffee, I think.

A Good Name For A Cat

Laptop

Film Music

Well, Joby called last night and he and Valex really like the film music I made, so I am very pleased. Pete is going to come and put some weird noises on it (he has lots of electronic sound toys) but I have to wait for a couple of weeks because there's a lot on at work. Valex says the music sounds very sixties which is pretty perceptive since the amps and guitars (Ampeg Reverb Rocket for guitar, vintage Fender precision Bass) I used are all from that era- it's got a real retro feel.

Tomorrow, I'm going to tell you about Elan, the Slovakian superstar. That will be very exciting for you, so make sure you check in.

Toodle pip!

Lost going; lost there; lost coming back.

Yesterday morning I went to Tom's to re-do the vocals on some of my tracks. What I did was better, but annoyingly, as I re-recorded January in Paris (it's a much better version) I asked Tom 'Is it one o'clock?'. The reason I knew is that at one o'clock on the dot, my voice changes from the voice of a strangled ferret to a normal singing voice, not just in sound but also in how it feels like to sing through the bloody voice box. So I've decided to do no more singing sessions in the morning, no matter how unprofessional that is (someone once told me proper singers can sing perfectly at any time of day, so I suppose now it's time to finally admit I'm nor proper).
Anyway... thats enough about me (ha ha ha ha!!)

Here's some more about me. I got really lost on the way to the venue in Tufnell Park. I got 'there' (you know, the general area) and drove past the street twice in one direction and once in the other direction, until I found it and did a u-turn in front of an angry bus. I was just parking when I realised I'd chosen a spot just next to a chip shop where about 5 teenage boys were having a chip'n'vinegar fight. I've got a courtesy car again (don't even ask why!) and would lose a hundred smackers if it got damaged so I got back in and drove off. But it was a one way street, and I got lost again trying to find the way back into it.
The pub was great, and Little Alison came (she's a seamstress and came with her sewing mates). Long time since we saw each other- she used to be in the strange productions we took to the Edinburgh Fringe, the Pantomime Titus Andronicus Musical and Dr Calamari. Rick Britt, the drummer from Joby and the Hooligans and the Smartees, came too. Incredible to see him again- he remembers different things to me, like our guitarist Steve not being able to remember lyrics or chords and having masses of little bits of paper with them on stage with him. There was an extra person on the bill (Ollie was frighetened of her so he let her play) but I'm afraid I can't review the other acts like I normally do because I was too busy yakking!
But people seemed to really like my songs, and I'll be playing there again.
I got lost on the way back too. It's very interesting getting lost, you see lots of bits of London you wouldn't otherwise see; but I do sometimes wonder if one day I'll get lost and never get found again, and just spend the rest of my life driving round in limbo, peering in bewilderment out of the windscreen of the car.

Easter Squirrel

Jenny had hidden loads of chocolate Easter Eggs in shiny foil around the garden for the children to hunt for, but everyone was eating their lunch first. Little Bruv and myself were sitting in the garden yakking and we became aware of a squirrel casing the joint. One of Jenny's mega-cats was aware of the squirrel too, and the squirrel was aware of the mega-cat, back. So there we all were, watching each other.
Suddenly, the squirrel made a dive for a massive Easter Egg, grabbing it between its teeth and bombing back up the fence, chucking the Egg into next door's garden for later and buggering off as fast as it could into the distance. Simultaneously, the mega-cat made a dive for the squirrel, completely missing it and creating the most enormous racket as it scarabbled up the fence and only just made it to the top.
Me and Little Bruv just sat there with our mouths open.

I'm exhausted after the excitement of telling you that. I re-lived it, you see.

What's happening today? Re-recording vocals of some old songs round at Tom's; I've got a feeling that the reason I don't like some of those songs is that I don't like the way I sing 'em. Just wish i could hoover the goo out of my lungs (hay fever) but we'll see how it goes.
Then this evening, down to Tufnell Park for the gig. Looking forward to seeing Ollie because I haven't seen him for ages.
I've had a funny postbag this week (that's what they have on children's TV programmes, don't they?)
A wound G turned up from Dan in Wolverhampton (must be a heavy metal string, coming from the Black Country) and an audio-letter from Stu in Brighton plus a very lively sounding Peel session copy.
Just bills today though.

Flickr pics and gig tomorrow

This is the link to Sean Kelly's pics http://www.flickr.com/photos/seank/sets/72157600113437133/

I'm playing at a pub called the Star tomorrow in Tufnell Park, North London- 47 Chester Road, Dartmouth Park. It's free to get in and I'm on at 10.25. Tube- Tufnell Park

What I meant to say

Big Bruv and little Bruv saw a mouse run across the back of the stage during my set at the 12 Bar last week

Been Recording Today

This morning I did some early-bird recording at Goldtop studios in Camden- it belongs to Neil Brockbank (who did the live sound for King Kurt and has Very Good Ears, as they say*) and Paul Laventhol ( who played guitar for them). It's a fantastic studio full of vintage instruments- there's a Hammond Organ there with a Leslie speaker to play it through (the sort that looks like a piece of 1960s furniture, with fans inside that waft the sound into amazing shapes) and loads of old amps and so on.
I went to put a bass line on to Joby's music, which came out fine after a cup of coffee and some M&Ms (peanut).
People popped in, very relaxed, and I came out in a good mood, vowing to see Paul in his Elvis tribute band at the 12 Bar this Saturday so long as they are not on too late (everybody know I turn into a pumpkin at midnight).
I had some curry on toast (that's what posh people have for lunch, you know)
I was sent some live pics from Resonating Sunday but have forgotten to copy the link so I'll have to do that tomorrow. They are on Flickr and were taken by a guy called Sean who I will namecheck properly tomorrow too.
A Smile and a Ribbon liked my Blogreview (hello if you are visiting again!)
In a minute, Jamie's coming round and I'll take him down to meet the staff at the school where I do Song Club. Dan's left and Jamie's taking over. We already have a gig for the children at the end of the workshop series, in a retirement home with a proper stage. If only gigs were so easy to come by for us oldsters!
Do you know, last night I spent ages sorting out masses of old Chefs photos and Helen and the Horns ones, but didn't get round to scanning them, as I just sat and pored over them till I fell asleeps.
I was going to pimp the Helen and the Horns Myspace but it only works on PCs so I'll have to wait, but I did put some different tracks up there, including my favourite H and H one, Two Strings to Your Bow.
I like to keep the McCookerybook one plain and simple like me (tee hee)

*the opposite of this is 'Ears of Cloff'.

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Nothing has happened today

Portobello Road

I'd forgotten what fun it could be to walk down Portobello Road on a sunny Saturday!
Tourists photographing wisteria and touching it as though it was an exotic silk curtain, easy listening record stalls, a stall with dozens of little silver sugar tongs all clutching at nothing with their little birdy claws, a stall with boxing gloves so huge and dark they looked like they were made of wood. On a fruit and vegetable stall, a stallholder's little girl with hair in plaits sat amongst the baskets of mushrooms and vine tomatoes, eating a massive strawberry, with strawberry juice all over her face, which wore an expression of utter happiness. On another stall with rows of delicate white patterned antique teacups, a massive pan of bacon and fried bread was cooking on a portable stove hidden by a little screen.
As I headed back home, two girl tourists were disentangling themselves from each other; their earrings had got tangled in each other's hair as they put their heads together to have their photograph taken.

Horse etc

THis is a wooden horse. It has no mane: the mane was made of hairy garden string (like the tail) and it got so dusty I had to take it off and throw it away. I made the horse for an Edinburgh Fringe show called Dr Calamari's Music Hall of the Macabre. About thirty of us went up to the fringe- a man who sawed people in half, a duo sketch about Marine Biologists, a seven-piece band called the Flavel Bambi Septet who later mutated into Transglobal Underground, the Twins Nick and Simon Smith in their massive paper crinolines and cartwheel hats (one had a beautiful glass swan on it and the other had glass lilies), about 8 different acts in all, with Lester Square as MC and a smoke machine that I had to crawl round behind the stage to operate. ( the list of people we didn't take was even better- a woman who sang Whipcrackaway with real pistols, a man who made omelettes on stage, and Eddie Tenpole, who I think wanted just to come along for the craic)
My act was a song called 'She's a Girl who likes to have a Horse Between her Legs'. I had gone to Putney to re-learn how to tap-dance, and Lester cut this horse shape out of plywood at the school he worked at. The front bit tied on to my front, the bum tied on to my back, and I could make the little legs move by pulling the red ribbons. I clopped around Edinburgh being photographed by Italians, and we did the show each night to an audience who we massively outnumbered, but boy was it a laugh. The twins slept in an old red post-ofice van and lots of the rest of us slept at McMum and McDad's, even in the garden shed.
Just wanted to ramble on about that for you.
Today? Oh yes: down to Rough Trade to re-stock their Helen and the Horns CDs, stamp on a few grapes and cabbage leaves, check out the clothes, and bump into a few people perhaps.

New live Chefs track on Myspace

There is a new live track on The Chefs myspace site, Boasting, which I think was the second song me and Carl wrote together.

Four Chairs

One
Chair one is an old pale blue Lloyd Loom chair, a bit greyed with age and battered where the cat has tried to use it as a scratching post before I shooed her away. It has an old pink cushion on it with a frayed bit in the middle because lots of people have sat on it. It used to be in McMum and McDad's bedroom in Wylam.
Two
Chair two was a Christmas present. It looks French, because there's a painted rose on the back of it. It has a wicker seat and back, and an elegant curl to it. It is pale, because it's not very old. If you sit in it, the cats watch carefully though half-closed eyes, and as soon as you get up, they rush over and nick your place.
Three
Chair three was probably really cheap, but it's the most comfortable chair in the world. It used to live in Scotland in a log cabin overlooking Loch Tummel in the Highlands, and sat by the window inviting people to relax and look at the mountains and sky.
Before that it belonged to my American grandmother. I don't know why it is so comfortable, it just is. The prongs for the arms and legs keep pinging out and having to be rammed back into place again. It's as light as a feather, and rather ugly, in a very appealing way.
Four
Chair four is a really old nursing chair with a badly-carved top. It is very low and has low arms and a high back and is made of turned wood, and it's very dark, almost black. It has a wicker seat that has collapsed but it's still irresistible to sit on. There's a pale green cushion on it with some very torn patchwork in the middle that McMum started and didn't finish. I find bits of it all over the house.

Chairs.

Plus and Minus and Plus

PLUS:
take a look at this, that Rick Britt who used to play drums for Joby and the Hooligans and the Smartees has posted:
http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s195/jobyandthehooligans/
MINUS:
The Red Hedgehog gig is cancelled: apparently it was set up by someone who is nothing to do with the venue. Blast- I had arranged for Paul to come for a rehearsal.
Claire, who organises it, was very nice about it and is coming to the Songwriters Anonymous gig at King's Cross on May 1st, so she can make a proper booking later in the year.
PLUS AGAIN:
Rough Trade has sold out of Helen and the Horns CDs and want some more.
Wahey!