Sometimes such bleak signals are transmitted, by chance or design, that there is no way to pin down your reactions to them in words.
You know that your feelings are shared by other people, but those feelings seem incredibly frail, and life seems to be running a steamroller over them, flattening them and turning them into dust and ash.
Reaction doesn't help, stillness doesn't help, reflection doesn't help...
At these times, the idea of leaving the house and experiencing the harshness of the outside world seems inconceivable.
I feel that I live in a town full of racists, in a country full of racists.
Monday, April 15, 2019
The Aftermath Of The Weekend Overlaps With The Beginning Of The Week
Kenji and Till came to stay; eating food out, mucho walking, waking too early after bedtimes too late (3 a.m.), so much socialising.
Off they sailed in a minicab this morning, and the house seems very empty without them.
The Offsprogs were at Parliament Square at an Extinction Rebellion protest, and so was I; then we all went to the Hilliard exhibition at The National Portrait Gallery which was awesomely beautiful. Elizabethan painters painted people who looked just like us, just with different clothes.
Oh how inspiring it was! And there was a painting of Elizabeth the First playing a lute or something, which apparently she did in order to impress diplomats from abroad.
Alas, the hay fever has reached fever pitch, and I had to come home and eat ice cream, although the 12 string Eko guitar that landed here after a foray into a local charity shop has now been set up and is sitting waiting for me next door.
Those Hilliard miniatures in their titchy little gold frames are still with me though.
Ideas!
Off they sailed in a minicab this morning, and the house seems very empty without them.
The Offsprogs were at Parliament Square at an Extinction Rebellion protest, and so was I; then we all went to the Hilliard exhibition at The National Portrait Gallery which was awesomely beautiful. Elizabethan painters painted people who looked just like us, just with different clothes.
Oh how inspiring it was! And there was a painting of Elizabeth the First playing a lute or something, which apparently she did in order to impress diplomats from abroad.
Alas, the hay fever has reached fever pitch, and I had to come home and eat ice cream, although the 12 string Eko guitar that landed here after a foray into a local charity shop has now been set up and is sitting waiting for me next door.
Those Hilliard miniatures in their titchy little gold frames are still with me though.
Ideas!
Sunday, April 14, 2019
Sociable Times
My voice isn't just hoarse, it's a whole posse of horses: from late nights, hay fever and talking the hind legs off a donkey (yet another quadruped).
Recovering now, wrapped in a blanket.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Hay Fever in High Barnet
Yes, we have collective hay fever.
We all sneeze differently, but have the same cough.
I thought I'd coughed, but realised that it was a lady across the aisle in the supermarket.
It's those fields of yellow flowers out in Hertfordshire.
Country troubles.
We all sneeze differently, but have the same cough.
I thought I'd coughed, but realised that it was a lady across the aisle in the supermarket.
It's those fields of yellow flowers out in Hertfordshire.
Country troubles.
Listening to Masters
The mastered songs arrived yesterday and that was really exciting!
I think they sound great.
I need to listen again today.
Last night I did a radio interview for BBC Coventry about the Leamington spa screening and the Coventry gig, which was very short but sweet.
This morning Gina and me are going to meet Neil Cooper, a Scottish journalist, to talk about the film.
The morning and afternoon swapped over, so that I'll have to listen to the songs again this afternoon instead.
I am very happy with this album.
Later on, Kenji and Till are coming to stay.
I washed the bedspread but the washing machine said 'no' and I literally had to fight the bloody thing to get it on to the washing line to dry. It was like wrestling a giant anaconda.
I swear it's alive!
It fell on the path and I had to wipe the earth off it, which completely destroyed the point of washing it in the first place. When I was fighting it on to the washing line, it headed off in the opposite direction to the one I was pulling it in.
It seemed to have grown at least four extra corners, none of which would fold neatly down to look like a homely picture of a bedspread on a washing line. And a wet bedspread is so effing heavy! I had to used all my extra future strength from in two weeks time to lift it up, and then the line looked as though it was going to snap. It looks all innocent this morning, and it still isn't dry.
The beast!!!
I should be getting ready. Why am I writing this? because I am delighted to have made some music, to have nearly completed another album. I have gigs coming up, and I feel like a human being for the first time for three years.
And the sun is shining.
I think they sound great.
I need to listen again today.
Last night I did a radio interview for BBC Coventry about the Leamington spa screening and the Coventry gig, which was very short but sweet.
This morning Gina and me are going to meet Neil Cooper, a Scottish journalist, to talk about the film.
The morning and afternoon swapped over, so that I'll have to listen to the songs again this afternoon instead.
I am very happy with this album.
Later on, Kenji and Till are coming to stay.
I washed the bedspread but the washing machine said 'no' and I literally had to fight the bloody thing to get it on to the washing line to dry. It was like wrestling a giant anaconda.
I swear it's alive!
It fell on the path and I had to wipe the earth off it, which completely destroyed the point of washing it in the first place. When I was fighting it on to the washing line, it headed off in the opposite direction to the one I was pulling it in.
It seemed to have grown at least four extra corners, none of which would fold neatly down to look like a homely picture of a bedspread on a washing line. And a wet bedspread is so effing heavy! I had to used all my extra future strength from in two weeks time to lift it up, and then the line looked as though it was going to snap. It looks all innocent this morning, and it still isn't dry.
The beast!!!
I should be getting ready. Why am I writing this? because I am delighted to have made some music, to have nearly completed another album. I have gigs coming up, and I feel like a human being for the first time for three years.
And the sun is shining.
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Procrastination
There are so many things on my to-do list that I need to not do anything.
What can I not do?
I'm waiting for Bargain Hunt on BBC1 so I'll write the sleeve notes for my new album that there won't be room for on the sleeve, because it's a CD and will have a very simple format for budgetary reasons.
Here are the notes about the songs (but they might not be in this order):
A Rainbow of the Colour Green
This is a hymn to the city of Porto, where I would love to live if I could. The Crystal Palace Gardens are perfect scruffy beauty and are populated by peacocks, peahens that lose their chicks in the heather, and eccentric bantams who club together in matching sets. And the view over the river is breathtaking. If there is such a thing as rebirth, then it happened to me last July in that beautiful city.
But I can't live there, for various reasons.
These Streets
I recorded this as the 'B' side to the vinyl single of Saturday Night with the London Set but wanted to put a version on this CD. It's about mismatched memories.
New York
This was a surprise. It was so frightening going to New York on my own, but it felt like such a comfortable place to be and there was so much to explore, hardly any of it recommended by anyone. I went to Queens to record with Tom and visit Lisa and their baby Elizabeth, went to the Fire Museum because I love fire engines and wanted to be a firefighter when I was six, went to the Native American Museum because Granny used to work with Native Americans, and just generally wandered around. I visited Jane and her baby in Brooklyn, went to the Village Vanguard Big Band show in Greenwich Village, and travelled up the coast to see my dear friend Laura in New Hampshire. I stayed at the YMCA (well, wouldn't you, if you were a Village People fan?) which was right next to Central Park, and had a view right across the park. You had to fight to get in the showers in the morning. Facilities were 'simple' to say the least!
Why did I do this? Because I broke my elbow very badly in February last year and was shocked not even to be able to get dressed for a week, and to feel such pain that I didn't sleep for three months.
I had to see what I could do, so I went to New York on my own and realised that I could do that.
21st Century Blues
Lying is the dark art of the 21st Century. What does everyone do it? Truthful people are more rare and valuable than the Dodo, it seems. Honesty takes bravery; the world is full of cowards.
A Good Life With A Bad Apple
This song isn't about anyone in particular, which makes it all the more fun to sing it. Lots of younger women at the gigs I play really seem to like this song. I wonder why? Features Gill Wood on cello.
So Long Elon (So Long Branson)
A pet hate is the excitement about space travel, when there are people starving on our streets. There's something wrong with the end of the telescope we are looking through. I hope they do all go to Mars, and then maybe the human race will stand a chance of survival. Grrrrr! Gill Wood on cello.
Where is Home
I wrote this before Grenfell, and after seeing Paul Sng's film Dispossession, which is a wonderful, evocative and ultimately very sad film. I know the song sounds a bit 'Disney' but that's just the way it came out. Features Karina Townsend on Tenor Sax and Ian Button on Mellotron Accordion Sample.
Danse Macabre
This is a love song to my tutor Stuart Morgan. He used to get annoyed with me for knitting in class but it helped me to concentrate on all the amazing things he told us. He had a brilliant imagination and was also kind and flawed in equal measure, which made him huge fun to be around. He loved my baldy-baby daughter and she loved him too, grabbing his mouth with her fat fist in delight when she met him. I used to bump into him regularly with his selection of different boyfriends, and I do know that he really enjoyed his life, even though it ended far too soon.
Soldier Joe
War in the field or war in the streets, it doesn't bloody matter where. There's always a charismatic leader invading people's souls and selling them evil under the guise of camaraderie. I have been a pacifist ever since I watched a soldier on TV training a flamethrower on to an 'enemy' soldier.
No, not your enemy: a person just like you. Life is sacred, mate.
Quic Fitte
This was originally recorded for Richard Sanderson's 'two minutes project'. I'll put a link to the first version later on when I'm more organised. It's about speed dating, which I've never done, although I have done real dating, which is probably much worse.
Bathing Pond
Hampstead Ladies Bathing Pond: what a great place! Offsprog One told me about the kingfishers, that's her story. But when I went with Katy, that's when we saw this man, and that part of the story is real-life, unfortunately. Karina Townsend on Tenor Sax again, making noises too.
Change the DJ
The tour manager Willie offered to change the dismal weather at his mixing desk when I was on tour with The Daintees. This song started life ages ago, and makes it's début now.
Hello Willie, wherever you are!
Saturday Night With The London Set
This has Vic Godard on guitar, Ruth Tidmarsh on bass and Dave Morgan on drums, and has been mixed by Ian Button. It was recorded by Dave Morgan. It's about the London Set, still out there in the back boxes loving music and playing it too, regardless of their comrades falling like skittles.
What else is there in life?
All songs vocals, guitar, bass, melodica, H McC produced/arranged.
Album recorded and mixed by Ian Button. Thank you Ian.
What can I not do?
I'm waiting for Bargain Hunt on BBC1 so I'll write the sleeve notes for my new album that there won't be room for on the sleeve, because it's a CD and will have a very simple format for budgetary reasons.
Here are the notes about the songs (but they might not be in this order):
A Rainbow of the Colour Green
This is a hymn to the city of Porto, where I would love to live if I could. The Crystal Palace Gardens are perfect scruffy beauty and are populated by peacocks, peahens that lose their chicks in the heather, and eccentric bantams who club together in matching sets. And the view over the river is breathtaking. If there is such a thing as rebirth, then it happened to me last July in that beautiful city.
But I can't live there, for various reasons.
These Streets
I recorded this as the 'B' side to the vinyl single of Saturday Night with the London Set but wanted to put a version on this CD. It's about mismatched memories.
New York
This was a surprise. It was so frightening going to New York on my own, but it felt like such a comfortable place to be and there was so much to explore, hardly any of it recommended by anyone. I went to Queens to record with Tom and visit Lisa and their baby Elizabeth, went to the Fire Museum because I love fire engines and wanted to be a firefighter when I was six, went to the Native American Museum because Granny used to work with Native Americans, and just generally wandered around. I visited Jane and her baby in Brooklyn, went to the Village Vanguard Big Band show in Greenwich Village, and travelled up the coast to see my dear friend Laura in New Hampshire. I stayed at the YMCA (well, wouldn't you, if you were a Village People fan?) which was right next to Central Park, and had a view right across the park. You had to fight to get in the showers in the morning. Facilities were 'simple' to say the least!
Why did I do this? Because I broke my elbow very badly in February last year and was shocked not even to be able to get dressed for a week, and to feel such pain that I didn't sleep for three months.
I had to see what I could do, so I went to New York on my own and realised that I could do that.
21st Century Blues
Lying is the dark art of the 21st Century. What does everyone do it? Truthful people are more rare and valuable than the Dodo, it seems. Honesty takes bravery; the world is full of cowards.
A Good Life With A Bad Apple
This song isn't about anyone in particular, which makes it all the more fun to sing it. Lots of younger women at the gigs I play really seem to like this song. I wonder why? Features Gill Wood on cello.
So Long Elon (So Long Branson)
A pet hate is the excitement about space travel, when there are people starving on our streets. There's something wrong with the end of the telescope we are looking through. I hope they do all go to Mars, and then maybe the human race will stand a chance of survival. Grrrrr! Gill Wood on cello.
Where is Home
I wrote this before Grenfell, and after seeing Paul Sng's film Dispossession, which is a wonderful, evocative and ultimately very sad film. I know the song sounds a bit 'Disney' but that's just the way it came out. Features Karina Townsend on Tenor Sax and Ian Button on Mellotron Accordion Sample.
Danse Macabre
This is a love song to my tutor Stuart Morgan. He used to get annoyed with me for knitting in class but it helped me to concentrate on all the amazing things he told us. He had a brilliant imagination and was also kind and flawed in equal measure, which made him huge fun to be around. He loved my baldy-baby daughter and she loved him too, grabbing his mouth with her fat fist in delight when she met him. I used to bump into him regularly with his selection of different boyfriends, and I do know that he really enjoyed his life, even though it ended far too soon.
Soldier Joe
War in the field or war in the streets, it doesn't bloody matter where. There's always a charismatic leader invading people's souls and selling them evil under the guise of camaraderie. I have been a pacifist ever since I watched a soldier on TV training a flamethrower on to an 'enemy' soldier.
No, not your enemy: a person just like you. Life is sacred, mate.
Quic Fitte
This was originally recorded for Richard Sanderson's 'two minutes project'. I'll put a link to the first version later on when I'm more organised. It's about speed dating, which I've never done, although I have done real dating, which is probably much worse.
Bathing Pond
Hampstead Ladies Bathing Pond: what a great place! Offsprog One told me about the kingfishers, that's her story. But when I went with Katy, that's when we saw this man, and that part of the story is real-life, unfortunately. Karina Townsend on Tenor Sax again, making noises too.
Change the DJ
The tour manager Willie offered to change the dismal weather at his mixing desk when I was on tour with The Daintees. This song started life ages ago, and makes it's début now.
Hello Willie, wherever you are!
Saturday Night With The London Set
This has Vic Godard on guitar, Ruth Tidmarsh on bass and Dave Morgan on drums, and has been mixed by Ian Button. It was recorded by Dave Morgan. It's about the London Set, still out there in the back boxes loving music and playing it too, regardless of their comrades falling like skittles.
What else is there in life?
All songs vocals, guitar, bass, melodica, H McC produced/arranged.
Album recorded and mixed by Ian Button. Thank you Ian.
Course and Coughs
I had stuck in to a wonderful written romp through a training course that I did yesterday, and then realised that I'd probably get the trainer into trouble. Oh but he was clever! He seamlessly blended a devastating critique of senior management into a talk about carrying boxes correctly (including demo with willing but rather foolish volunteer) and fire instructions.
Ho ho!
That's the sort of training I like!
Today I'm trying to sort out the running order for the songs on the new album- mainly by playing them as a set. I still have a cough- it's that bloody pollen from the fields of yellow flars that stretch the length and breadth of Hertfordshire, so I coughed my way through the second part of it. Time for antihistamines, then another go. I think they are sounding really good. It has been great working with Ian.
It looks like New York is going to happen too. Effing Hell. I will get my fares paid, and two days accommodation, to go and talk about Oh Bondage! Up Yours. I'm still only halfway through writing it. All I really want to say is 'I like this record, and Poly was a genius', but that's not 6000 words, is it?
I should write more now, but I'm busy....
Also: why don't I ever take the advice I give myself in my own songs?
Ho ho!
That's the sort of training I like!
Today I'm trying to sort out the running order for the songs on the new album- mainly by playing them as a set. I still have a cough- it's that bloody pollen from the fields of yellow flars that stretch the length and breadth of Hertfordshire, so I coughed my way through the second part of it. Time for antihistamines, then another go. I think they are sounding really good. It has been great working with Ian.
It looks like New York is going to happen too. Effing Hell. I will get my fares paid, and two days accommodation, to go and talk about Oh Bondage! Up Yours. I'm still only halfway through writing it. All I really want to say is 'I like this record, and Poly was a genius', but that's not 6000 words, is it?
I should write more now, but I'm busy....
Also: why don't I ever take the advice I give myself in my own songs?
Monday, April 08, 2019
Claudine
Oh Claudine what a laugh you were! Your irreverence (Depeche Mode were called Depressed Mood, and Kissing the Pink, Piss in the Sink). Your love of animals: so many cats, tortoises, turtles, a little scrawny dog).
Your advice. 'When you have a child, don't change anything. You child will see you as normal, and everyone else as different'. How brilliant!
Your compassion. I collapsed in a physical and mental heap after The Chefs split up. I couldn't eat and became a mess of skin and bones. You gave me a kitten, and I had to go out to buy food for it (and myself at the same time). I had something to love and care for and talk about.
You fed all of us starving bandlings with huge and disgusting Pot-a-Feux, and greasy meals from the caff.
You were a demanding boss: 'Is it coffee time?' (it always was), smoked like a chimney, were as chic as hell. You believed in, and practised, love.
You overcame the most horrendous childhood, and those horrors revisited you to devastating effect.
What a funny and amazing and loved person you were.
Always, in my head: 'Hélène, can you tell zat I am Frenshe?'.
Claudine on the left. Photo from Gaylene (on the right)
Your advice. 'When you have a child, don't change anything. You child will see you as normal, and everyone else as different'. How brilliant!
Your compassion. I collapsed in a physical and mental heap after The Chefs split up. I couldn't eat and became a mess of skin and bones. You gave me a kitten, and I had to go out to buy food for it (and myself at the same time). I had something to love and care for and talk about.
You fed all of us starving bandlings with huge and disgusting Pot-a-Feux, and greasy meals from the caff.
You were a demanding boss: 'Is it coffee time?' (it always was), smoked like a chimney, were as chic as hell. You believed in, and practised, love.
You overcame the most horrendous childhood, and those horrors revisited you to devastating effect.
What a funny and amazing and loved person you were.
Always, in my head: 'Hélène, can you tell zat I am Frenshe?'.
Claudine on the left. Photo from Gaylene (on the right)
Sunday, April 07, 2019
Saturday, April 06, 2019
Mum's Revenge: Vic Godard
I've written about the songs already, but here is the record and big thanks to Vic for inviting me to sing with him on this! It's a good record- and it's made of vinyl!!! Vic sent the Pellethead record too so I have plenty to listen to (Sorry for nicking your photo again Kenji).
Bird
The man over the back fence has severely pollarded the tree where all the birds used to play about in the mornings. Undeterred, the singiest bird is there every morning, standing on its pulpit and singing its little feathered heart out.
It half-woke me this morning, and I lay there lazing in the sound of its song.
This is a day off.
So much has happened in the last week that it's felt as though I haven't landed on solid ground for days. Thank you for coming to the screening last night in Brighton. Jerry Thackray did a great job of hosting the panel (just me at this one: is that a panel? Maybe just a pan). There were lots of helpful suggestions.
Vanessa from Doc'n'Roll noticed that a lot of them were 'Why don't YOU....' type suggestions. Ha ha!
Being involved in making this has been totally outside my comfort zone; Gina is an experienced film maker and I have learned loads from her, and also rather a lot of horrible things about what taking on the role of being the producer is (why would anyone want to do that?).
The dynamic! Watching the film on a screen for the umpteenth time with a constantly critical eye, editing it still mentally, feeling anxiety about whether people will like it or not and relief when they do, the things people talk about afterwards and ask questions about.
That's enough musing, for now and forever.
I have a day!
It half-woke me this morning, and I lay there lazing in the sound of its song.
This is a day off.
So much has happened in the last week that it's felt as though I haven't landed on solid ground for days. Thank you for coming to the screening last night in Brighton. Jerry Thackray did a great job of hosting the panel (just me at this one: is that a panel? Maybe just a pan). There were lots of helpful suggestions.
Vanessa from Doc'n'Roll noticed that a lot of them were 'Why don't YOU....' type suggestions. Ha ha!
Being involved in making this has been totally outside my comfort zone; Gina is an experienced film maker and I have learned loads from her, and also rather a lot of horrible things about what taking on the role of being the producer is (why would anyone want to do that?).
The dynamic! Watching the film on a screen for the umpteenth time with a constantly critical eye, editing it still mentally, feeling anxiety about whether people will like it or not and relief when they do, the things people talk about afterwards and ask questions about.
That's enough musing, for now and forever.
I have a day!
Thursday, April 04, 2019
Tuesday, April 02, 2019
Monday, April 01, 2019
Review of Saturday's Gig by Nick Linazasoro
https://www.brightonandhovenews.org/2019/04/01/helen-mccookerybook-charms-punters-at-the-latest-music-bar/?fbclid=IwAR3MnTR2c-geHPanfTCG22bMI0KuwzoeQkdLdP1ITNzxFQG3B6WJhyvUqc8
Too tired to review anything at the moment. Great few days- Poly book launch Thursday evening, Liverpool Friday, Brighton Saturday, Offsprog One birthday celebration Sunday.
Marking 43 websites Monday, today.
Laters.
Too tired to review anything at the moment. Great few days- Poly book launch Thursday evening, Liverpool Friday, Brighton Saturday, Offsprog One birthday celebration Sunday.
Marking 43 websites Monday, today.
Laters.
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