Big Ben University

I am going to write a radio play set at the fictitious Big Ben University (main campus: Crawley), based on a fictitious lecture in the B.A. Cultural Studies (Reality Television) department.
Mobile phone rintones will be interrupted by the gashing rip of black nylon velcro bags being undone; a singer-songwriter who writes desperately miserable songs in a minor key will be enrolled: his name is E. Moaner.
All the other boys are called Dan (3), Tom (3), Ben (4), Ed (2) or other names of three letters or less.
The girls are either Olivia (4), Georgia (2), or Melody (3).
There is also a large Alsatian dog enrolled on the course. Nobody knows how or why, but in these days of Equal Opportunities, he will not be challenged.
Halfway through the lecture, someone drops a ping pong ball in the top tier of the lecture theatre; it bounces down merrily, three bounces per step, gaining momentum as it descends.
Hushed, the students dare not stop it in its course.
That bit actually happened at Sunderland Polytechnic in 1975.