Whatshallitellthemabouttoday?

The hippy milkman in Camberwell who gave our whole street free milk because we were housing association tenants? Then one day, an official from the depot came round and said 'I'm sorry some of you have not been charged for your milk; your milkman was returning to the depot with the leftover milk from his round and then setting off again delivering it to other people without charging those customers for it. We have sacked him, and we are trying to find out who he was delivering free milk to'.
Naturally, none of us confessed. What a rotten thing to do to a harmless kind man!

Or shall I tell you about the necklace of miniature voice-recording microphones I made for Voxpop Puella, so I could have little bits of ramdom talking in my songs when I pressed 'play'? When I worked on a songwriting project with some foster children in Birmingham, I gave them to the kids, harvesting the necklace as though it was a microphone-vine.

Or what about my character, Jeffrey Thruster, man about town, the business guy, hair gel, signet ring, who zooms into work in his car, nearly scraping off an old lady's bum on the zebra crossing, flashing people in front of him on the road with his headlights, pushing in at the queue to pay for petrol in the garage, cutting people up on the road, and barging into the last parking space in the car park in front of the new girl in the typing pool, barking into his mobile phone all the while.
He gets into the office, and realises he's forgotten to get dressed.