Has anyone else noticed the trail of stinky news being waved along in the wake of Billy and Kathy's wedding?
£7 billion on an aircraft carrier. 'It would have been such a big help to have this now, to use off Libya', an official intoned earnestly.
More than two hundred pounds on our tax bill for the aircraft carrier 'improvements', and God know what extra for Billy and Kathy's wedding.
I would like this put into my bank account, please, becauses pacifists and republicans have big bills to pay and an ever-dwindling income to pay them from.
Who's that at the back of the Abbey?
For the first time in their lives they are standing hand-in-hand; they are dressed in rustling skirts made from the carapaces of hundreds of hornets and they have bonnets fashioned from rotting cowhide, each one crowned with a single horn. They bear wands made out of bent bicycle spokes torn from Boris-bikes and they have left a green and slimy trail behind them.
On their feet they are sporting loafers designed by Wayne Hemingway with soles recycled from old pink nylon bath sponges recovered from a huge fly-ridden rubbish dump just outside St Albans.
It's Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, the two Bad Fairies newly arrived to wreak havoc at the wedding, their affront at not being invited having stored up a seething torrent of fiendish curses.
I wonder what they will be?