I have been snacking away at a conference paper I am due to present at the Art of Record Production Conference in December. As usual, I have unearthed far too much stuff and it's a case of condensing, editing, deleting, sorting... finally, I have decided to start at the end and work to the beginning to prevent it from being yet another 'woman moans at how unfair the record industry is' type paper, which God only know the bloody industry deserves to hear again and again until it's so worn down it changes.
Me versus Gangsta Rap? Not a chance! What a frightening world: once a line is crossed by a woman, it's hard to get back over to safety again.
And that rotter Stephen Fry!*
The Oleaginous Gent reminds me of those kids at school who wound you up constantly and as soon as you reacted, burst into tears and rushed off to tell the teacher.
I don't think I've ever met a woman who does not enjoy sex (or as some of us call it, making love). The world is full of women who enjoy physical contact with men whether briefly or long-term; maybe they just decided that Stephen Fry was not the person to tell about this? I knew he didn't fancy women, but now I know he doesn't like us, either. We like to be choosy, you know, which is why we don't generally fall flat on our backs as soon as a man snorts and bucks and charges in our direction.
Of course, now he pretends he was joking. Well, Stephen, that sort of joke isn't funny from this angle, the one that women see things from.
Ever though of apologising? I don't think so! That might rock your smug perch a little, mightn't it?
Well, that's the anger-pipes cleared out satisfactorily: sorry about that!
Then there was the time I went to work for a day in a Special School and the young men made a high wall around the electronic keyboard by standing close together and presenting their backs to the room so that the young women couldn't get anywhere near it!
There's so much stuff but I do want to make the talk positive so I am going to imagine a fine future for women producers. Will anyone even turn up to hear it? That's always a risk. I am thinking of presenting the paper in fancy dress, as Beyonce or somebody like that. Bootylicious!
* Television presenter Fry was interviewed by Attitude magazine and remarked that women only put up with sex so that they can capture a husband: if they actually liked it, they would cruise like gay men.