Monday, November 01, 2010

Conference Paper

I have been snacking away at a conference paper I am due to present at the Art of Record Production Conference in December. As usual, I have unearthed far too much stuff and it's a case of condensing, editing, deleting, sorting... finally, I have decided to start at the end and work to the beginning to prevent it from being yet another 'woman moans at how unfair the record industry is' type paper, which God only know the bloody industry deserves to hear again and again until it's so worn down it changes.
Me versus Gangsta Rap? Not a chance! What a frightening world: once a line is crossed by a woman, it's hard to get back over to safety again.
And that rotter Stephen Fry!*
The Oleaginous Gent reminds me of those kids at school who wound you up constantly and as soon as you reacted, burst into tears and rushed off to tell the teacher.
I don't think I've ever met a woman who does not enjoy sex (or as some of us call it, making love). The world is full of women who enjoy physical contact with men whether briefly or long-term; maybe they just decided that Stephen Fry was not the person to tell about this? I knew he didn't fancy women, but now I know he doesn't like us, either. We like to be choosy, you know, which is why we don't generally fall flat on our backs as soon as a man snorts and bucks and charges in our direction.
Of course, now he pretends he was joking. Well, Stephen, that sort of joke isn't funny from this angle, the one that women see things from.
Ever though of apologising? I don't think so! That might rock your smug perch a little, mightn't it?

Well, that's the anger-pipes cleared out satisfactorily: sorry about that!
Here is a photo from a 1960s children's book to show you (or remind you!) what little girls were brought up to do: write things down, while the boy actually did things. I have been reading about the cotton mills in the industrial revolution where men stayed at home to look after the children because they didn't know how to use the machines; and the US Air Force, where once computers were introduced to aid navigation, that job which had been done mathematically by women suddenly became a man's job because it involved machines.
Then there was the time I went to work for a day in a Special School and the young men made a high wall around the electronic keyboard by standing close together and presenting their backs to the room so that the young women couldn't get anywhere near it!
There's so much stuff but I do want to make the talk positive so I am going to imagine a fine future for women producers. Will anyone even turn up to hear it? That's always a risk. I am thinking of presenting the paper in fancy dress, as Beyonce or somebody like that. Bootylicious!
* Television presenter Fry was interviewed by Attitude magazine and remarked that women only put up with sex so that they can capture a husband: if they actually liked it, they would cruise like gay men. 
Of course.


Anonymous said...

I read in the paper today what Stephen Fry said - the man is a tw*t!!

Wilky of St Albans said...

Dr H said: I don't think I've ever met a woman who does not enjoy sex

Not met my wife then ***sobs***

Sorry, invaded by the spirit of Les Dawson there, but what a feed line!

But really? When theres still 'senior citizens' around you'll who'll come out with statements like 'I was married for 60 years and me 'usband never saw me naked'. And refer to the act as 'duty'. Whoops - invaded by the spirit of Mrs Brady Old Lady now.

Fry - not only a tw@, but an irritating one. Why do the general public think that just because you talk in very long sentances, sprinkled not only with clauses, but sub-clauses to boot, and then sometimes sub-clauses within those, you are 'clever'? Well read? Sure. Able to rewire a fuzzbox or change a plug? I doubt it.

Plus I pulled him up on a point of grammar in his Guardian column a few years back. Me! An Oik!

Helen McCookerybook said...

I was just getting ready to respond when I saw the verification word: rasta!

Anonymous said...

Women are just as Capable as men of enjoying sex. The problem is that many men can't be bothered to learn the art. I'm sure there are cruising sites for Gay women.

paulG said...

I wonder if there was a Ladybird Book of Sex.

Maybe SF has a copy. :/