At The Post Office

Our local Post Office is closed until Monday, a day on which I'll be isolating before a family member's operation. Ho Hum and Ho Ho Ho!

Apparently a lot of staff have become ill, presumably with Coronavirus. How can that be?

When I went there a couple of days ago, I was greeted by two men who were flinging their arms about, one tall and in suit (managerial, you see) and one smaller but just as assertive. 'How can we help you?', said one and 'What do you want to do today?' said the other, simultaneously. They tried again, but they were just as important as each other and neither could give way to the other; they spoke in irritated unison, annoyed with each other in a smiley, passive-aggressive way. 

They were blocking my route to the counter with their Helpfulness.

'Please can you get out of the way?', I asked. 'I know what I want to do. I want to post this letter'. They seemed taken aback, and they stood there for a while, stunned. 

The real Post Office assistant looked at me with a sympathetic smile. It was clear that these two nuisances had been disrupting the morning ever since the Post Office opened. 'We thought it was going to be more busy today', he commiserated.

I managed to slip past them, and headed for the counter queue.

'I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL MAKE MYSELF USEFUL AND GET A COFFEE FOR EVERYONE!' bellowed man-in-the-suit triumphantly. He'd got one over on smaller man, who hadn't had the Great Idea.

I stood in line and waited for a free counter. Meanwhile, man-in-the-suit was charging about, taking orders from the staff.

'Cashier number four'.

It was my turn to be served.

'ONE LATTE. DO YOU WANT SUGAR WITH THAT?'. Oh no! Man-in-the-suit was getting closer!

Just as I approached cashier number four to buy stamps and post my letter, man-in-the-suit blocked my way and stood in front of the cashier.

'CAN YOU FIND ME A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN TO TAKE THE ORDERS THANKS LOVE'.

Lots of rummaging followed before he shot off to continue his helpful mission. I stood there waiting, the picture of patient forbearance. Was this what the Christmas Spirit was all about?

Well, neither of these two chaps were wearing masks. The local Post Office, after a blip at the beginning of the pandemic, has been ultra-cautious and limited numbers, encouraged hand sanitisation and installed clear plastic shields between staff and customers. How silly to invite super-spreaders in for the day! If I were ever a conspiracy theorist, the conspiracy I'd subscribe to would be the one where we have all fallen asleep and woken up in an alternative reality. 

Or perhaps this is all a dream anyway?