The Primary School Picnic Nightmare

Oh Em Gee, I could have done without this bad dream last night.

I was scrabbling about in the kitchen- the kitchen in my childhood house in Wylam, actually. The Offsprogs had returned to primary school age, and had suddenly informed me that it was the school picnic later that day, and they had to bring food to share.

I could not order my thoughts. There was no food in the house, and what should I put it in if I found any?

My son (where did he come from?) rummaged about under the cooker and pulled out a batch of plastic boxes with lids. But none of the lids fitted the boxes! Time was running short.

That problem would have to wait.

I know! Berries!

I looked in the fridge and brought out a box of raspberries, but they were tiny and shrivelled. I got the Offsprogs to stuff the tiniest ones inside larger ones but they did it so slowly that it was excruciating, and there were so few raspberries. Were they eating them as they went along?

Aha! I remembered the prawns in rice left over from last night's dinner. Phew!

I pulled the plastic container from the fridge, took off the top, and all that was in there was a few shreds of grated orange cheddar, so dry they were transparent.

I would have to go to the supermarket and buy cheese triangles. I turned around in despair. It was nearly time to leave for school, and the Offsprogs weren't even dressed yet.

Thankfully I woke up at this point, but the whole experience was so knackering that I felt like I needed another night's sleep to recover from it.