Past, present, future

Past: story about Alan
Ha ha, I've just been laughing with Joby about that squat we used to live in in Brighton. Alan put his trousers in to soak in a plastic bowl in the bathroom one day. He went off somewhere for a couple of weeks, and meanwhile, a pigeon flapped in the window and made a nest in his trousers. It was really happy there, so we all just left it. When Alan came back, he was furious.
Present:
It's been so hot today the cats came up and complained, and asked me to turn the heating off. So I took off their little fur coats and hung them on the washing line, and they felt better after that
Future:
That's tomorrow, isn't it?
and
(Happy intergalactic Joby day, Joby, Celestial Seasonings to you)