Yet terrible things have happened to me, too. I have been wondering why I have not really written any songs despite having literally hundreds of ideas (how am I going to crack open that parcel of words and music?), but looking at it from the outside, it's not surprising.
I know the creativity is still there: I've been writing songs with a group of people with complex physical disabilities, and songs for a purpose always appear just when I need them. I press the start button, and we move on incrementally from there.
Last night, a line for a song appeared and I realised that I'll start writing again soon. I've been putting a lot of energy into other people's projects (which is a privilege and a lovely thing to do) but it's time to look inwards again, even if what's there might be uncomfortable to unfold.
Strangely, I think the thing that has prompted the idea of starting to write again has been reading a book that I don't like. It is full of poetry and beautiful concepts used in a completely facetious way.
It's almost as though my songs need to be written as a protest against the misuse of words that don't tap into any sort of meaning.
I am still grieving for my brother: my annoying, funny and intelligent ally. We were literally co-diarists of each others lives and co-defendants in a non-existent court case of deceit and abuse. I'm so glad we spent so much time together at the end of his life, talking about songs and making sure he left a musical imprint of being here. He had so much to say; his songs are packed with words and humour saved up from a lifetime of suppressing his wish to be a musician and earning a living to support his family.
I care so much about humans, and this has been brought to the forefront after what happened to James. We need to see through the fog of hatred that has landed on us all. Life is so short, too short to spend any time stoking fury at people who we think don't match our idea of what a human being should be like. If this is what we feel maybe it is ourselves we should be looking at. These feelings come from fear and discomfort with change. Even though the hatred is mainly targeted at other people and communities, I can still feel it in the air, poisoning the atmosphere for everyone. Unfettered anger belongs to toddlers, not adult humans; we are supposed to grow out of it.
Being kind is not a weakness, it's the most difficult and powerful strength of all.
The Internet has taken on the role of and Old Testament God, with all the associated scariness, punishment and drama; the new religion's priests are psychotherapists, who manipulate people's inner feelings and dash away from the consequences of their actions before the temples collapse.
Heavy, dude! That's enough thinking for the day.
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