Triggers

It's probably not so strange: songs written during lockdown triggering all sorts of memories. In writing, you can choose to escape, you can choose to express your feelings, or indeed a lot of other things. I think it was re-doing vocals and feeling the emotions behind the lyrics that unearthed a lot of hidden feelings. 

Song writing is therapy for a lot of people, and sometimes has its own answers inscribed into the process. By making a concrete representation of how something felt, you have the chance to control it and to consolidate your own perspective of something that might have disturbed or hurt you. On the other side of things, if you can articulate a joyful feeling you can tap into that every time you sing the song. You can write a funny lyrics and lampoon a pompous person or a ridiculous situation, and position yourself as a commentator rather than a victim of the moment.

Through this I have come to the realisation that although destructive people move on, and perhaps even become less destructive as they mellow with age (or maybe not: who knows?), the things and people they have destroyed are still left with the legacy of their actions. Just as I write a personal history of life through songs, there are other narratives that don't necessarily coincide with mine which obscure dark corners that to me, are in plain sight.

Any sort of creativity illuminates reality, and crystallises out concepts and events with a clarity that is alarming in its strength. An arc light is switched on, and people shade their eyes.

Well actually, in my case it's more like a pencil torch, but you know what I mean. I'm going to record some 'happier' songs today. I think there is a beauty in the sadness of the others, but I don't want that burden on my shoulders this week.