Tour

Tourworld is bonkers. It is rest day and my rhino hide fingers are very grateful. Just over the way from the hotel there us a jousting tournament. 'And they're OFF!' bellows the man with the loudspeaker. 'Yaaay', respond the crowd. From the window I can see two shiny silver armoured heads bouncing towards each other on invisible horses, passing and then turning round. The hotel has guests garbed in Lincoln green costume, queuing at breakfast for the tinned grapefruit segments.
While we were breakfasting and talking about politics, a portly gentleman was eavesdropping. As I replenished the coffee, he came round and told me that when that mega roller issuer was opened at Blackpool, the huge crowd that had gathered vanished in a trice when they discovered that the former Labour leader John Smith had died that morning. The PR woman (£50,000 a year)was sacked on the spot, in spite if the fact there was no way she could have predicted such a sudden death. 'Anyway, I am right wing myself', said the portly reporter.
Inanimate star of the tour so far: bananas! Biodegradeable wrapping, yellow and silly, tasty and filling. Three cheers for fruit!