A labrador's nose and a donkey's cough

I can't go to Offline tonight (www.urban75.com click on Offline) as I have the horrid summer cold and feel like merde.
The thing is, about 40 ukeleles are playing. What crap to miss that!
Please could somebody send me a report?
I have asked them to be my Myspace friends so I can keep an eye on them (I've seen the Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain at the South Bank before but this lot write their own songs)
But I'm busy creating a snottytissuemountain at the moment
Plus I missed the Radio 4 broadcast this morning and the site's not letting me listen at the moment
And
I've finished all the walnut whips (should have seen my white walnut whip moustache!)

But
I don't mind the rain
Upon my window pane
It soaks my mane
It cools my brane
It keeps me sane
Stops and starts agane
O weathervane
What are these
Black dots?
The cats have flese
Lots and lots!
(and lots)

Atishooooooooo!