Baby boy, I still got sexy freak in me!

Oh boy, I had to review the Eurovision Song Contest!
What a pity the sugar-pink Danish transvestite didn't get through- I rather liked him and his song....
...but we got the fierce Irish song, the Hungarian woman with the excellent voice who sang a song that appeared to be constructed from discarded fragments of every song lyric ever written (bit like those DIY Dylan songs here on the internet), the Lithuanians with a Proper Song, the Greek man with the wobbly shoulders (shakidup, shakidup, bringitdown, LAWDHAVMERCEH!).
What a lot of Goths there were, and what a lot of guitars!
Here's Georgia, Cherie Blair with curls! Sweden, a melange of 'Love Grows where my Rossemary Goes' by Edison Lighthouse (remember that?) and The Sweet, with a dash of electronica to spice it up!
So many of them trying to do a send-up, arrogant grinning buffoons!
Here come the French, looking like children's TV presenters from the 1980s, singing in Franglais!
Germany, all Mack-the-knife, the guy getting over-excited by the 60s vibe and nearly wobbling his head off, bearing an unfortunate resemblance to the butcher at the supermarket counter in his white trilby!
Or what about the tin men from Ukraine, singing the Y Viva Espana of the evening, perfect panto-vision; scary, OTT, with their slightly fascist goose-stepping dance: Hitler youth dressed in aluminium foil?
At last, the UK's vote-catcher. Did they mention your country? Thought not! And what do they have to say to the international community? "Babada, babada!'. Wow! Deep, man!
And the Romanians, trying to outdo them by singing in as many languages as possible in 3 minutes and 45 seconds. Oompa oompa, Romanians!
I liked the Bulgarians with their percussion and gothic wailing!
Oh, that poor Turkish chappie, a singing robin who licked his lips lasciviously from time to time and winced when the decorative fires burst into flame at the end of the song!
Well, got to stop now for the results... I'll leave you with a Russian finale, from by far the best worst song of the night:
My bad ass spinning for you (eh?)
Feel my vibration! Get it!