Scaffolders

Went to Offline last night- it was really good. Rob Newman was very funny. He did a version of Rock Around the Clock in Arabic on a ukelele and did a thing about the history of the world backwards which I'm still thinking my way round this morning. Very good ideas. I missed 'It Hugs Back' because I had to leave early to catch the tube but perhaps will do a gig with them myself sometime. Nice to catch up with Matthew and he has recommended music to me (Polar Bear); speaking of which, another Matthew has an indie night at the Canterbury Arms this Saturday in Brixton. I cannae go (that means 'can't go' in Scottish) but if you can, let me know what it's like!
I was speaking abpout scaffolders: you learn something new every day, don't you! What I learned one day in Scotland was that scaffolding is not the simple brute art I'd thought it was, oh no indeed not. Those poles are more akin to those twisty metal puzzle things you get in Christmas crackers that only Grandpa can do. Assembling scaffolding is complex and involves a difficult-to-learn ritual a bit like The Knowledge that cabbies do. You have to shout a series of mantras- URFF! HAAAR! WOOAAAA!!! AAARRK!! in order to scold the poles into submission; finally, at the point of juncture ('completion' as we academics call it), you emit a violent expulsion of air and gas from that human orifice that can produce the loudest report and foulest aroma, in order to signal to those around you that your work is the finest example of the manual trade in the universe, and that all women from puberty to dowagerhood should acknowledge this with a grateful and alluring smile as you communicate your ripe manhood with a two-pronged mating whistle.
Looking forward to Resonance this afternoon; doesn't seem like I've played for ages.