Wednesday, January 27, 2021

When I Am Goddess

It is churlish to whinge about a two-week bout of gastroenteritis in the middle of a pandemic, so instead I will use the whinge-energy to moan about other things. These are the things that will change when I'm Goddess:

1. People who buy pandemic dogs will have to demonstrate their willingness to pick up the poo in a little plastic bag, and carry it around with them until they find a dog poo bin. No more Just Leaving It Where It Is, The Rain Will Wash It Away. No more hanging little bags from trees to scent the morning air. They will be reminded that dog poo is crawling with germs and carries disease, a bit like bat meat does. If you can't take the crap, get out of the kennel.

2. IT 'support workers' will be forbidden to say 'Well, it works when I do it', and will be forced to apologise when they realise that the problem is their end, and not ours. We will not need to wear our own IT experience credentials on our sleeves like Boy Scout badges. IT 'support workers'  will show a bit of grace, and believe us.

3. Big Cars will not be allowed to drive more than ten miles an hour through residential streets. No cars will be allowed to drive through residential streets, actually. Unless they belong to the people who live there. HA!

I'm sure there are hundreds of other things to complain about but I can't think of anything else. Oh yes!

4. People sharing accommodation will not think it's OK to go on holiday to Covid hotspots, and become aggressive with their flatmates when they object that their lives are being put in danger.

That's enough moaning, Ed.

1 comment:

Wilky of St Albans said...

One day I'll take you on my walk (at south mimms) and show you the spring where I've been meaning to place a 'Goddess' for some time. A Barbie* with a tinfoil cape or wings and outstretched arms, overlooking the fields and gazing into the rising sun. Probably be there a day before someone nicks her. Someone nicked the water bowl that one of the locals had put out for dogs to drink from, and the christmas decorations from a garden. Oh, and add flytippers to your list

*nothing sexist - I think there's a box of the Wilkyettes old barbies in the loft