'Good evening everyone, we are now approaching High Barnet station.
On leaving the train, please make sure you have all your belongings with you.
Especially small objects like keys and mobile phones.
And if you have small children with you, make sure you have all their shoes, toys... and socks.
We're all very tired. Goodnight!'
As I walked up the hill, as small field-mouse was darting about in the dark, inspecting a huge pond of pink chunky vomit.