Monday, January 31, 2011

Closing Down TV

So it looks like the Silent Witness pathology lab will be closing down, due to impending privatisation, and then cuts.
Waterloo Road School will have to close soon: they can't afford the repairs.
The cast will be made redundant.
Both the Queen Vic (Eastenders) and The Rover's Return (Coronation Street) will go bankrupt, because people won't be able to go out for a drink under the new tax and VAT regimes. So both soaps will disappear from our screens.
Holby City hospital will close, as all it's funding will be ring-fenced for local G.P.s surgery treatment centres, so both Casualty and Holby City will be axed.
Taggart will vanish from our screens as the cuts in the police force start to bite. Causton Police Station will also close and poor old Bergerac (sorry, Tom Barnaby) will be put out to grass. Those Midsomer Murders will carry on rampantly, undetected.
The beleaguered parents in Outnumbered will no longer be able to afford their mortgage: after their house is repossessed, they will have to move in with their non-telegenic parents-in-law.

What will replace these family favourites? Why, reality shows about bankers, of course! A Day in the Life of Eton! Business Studies advice shows! Makeovers in which British National Party yobs are dressed up in Savile Row suits, weep as they see themselves in the mirror, and go off to jobs at Merrill Lynch! Lots more Nigella, doing what women should do: sexy flirting and cooking in an apron with lots of licking fingers and cooing seductively! Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and other posh chefs telling people how to cook things using ingredients that they cannot possibly afford!
And that cuddly, twinkly-eyed George Osborne will make a childrens' programme (the only one) all about putting your pocket money in a piggy-bank so that when you grow up, you can be a millionaire like him.

2 comments:

frayedattheedge said...

Hi Helen, just catching up - yours Burns Night sounded good fun Was that the tie Andy bought when he and Sarah visited us?) I guess music students don't think it 'cool' to have been to uni and received and education (but that doesn't mean a lot these days - there are teachers here who can't read and write properly!!) I love your tale of all the cutbacks meaning the end of tv shows - I would miss Outnumbered, it is so funny. Have you watched Miranda - sometimes I laugh till I cry at her humour - especially the falling over, pushing Stevie over, and singing the Heather Small song!!

ps haven't had a decent verification word for weeks!!

daisychubb1979 said...

It's a nice theory, but it hasn't worked with The Archers: All those struggling farmers? still struggling... though I await the future of The Bull with interest....

P.S - I didn't know word verification did Lady Gaga song titles...